Do you ever feel like your emotions have taken over, leaving you feeling out of control?

Like one minute you’re calm and collected, and the next, a minor inconvenience has you spiraling into a Netflix binge or a heated text rant?

Don’t worry—you’re not alone.

Emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) might just be the secret weapon you’ve been missing to deal with life’s emotional rollercoaster.

In this post I’ll show you the practical (and evidence based) tips on how emotional intelligence can help you get your life together, one feeling at a time.

Disclaimer: At the end of this post, there is a note for coaches, advocates, and mental health professionals regarding the psychology and research behind EI/EQ. There are links to the textbook I used on Amazon. As an amazon associate, I earn a small commission on qualifying purchases. Thank you.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters (Yes, Even If You Think You’re Fine)

Picture this: You’re in the middle of a chaotic workday. Your boss drops a last-minute project on your desk, your coworker is venting about their weekend drama, (Oh Susan 🙄) and your email inbox has 57 unread messages.

Now is about the time to cue an emotional meltdown… Well unless you’ve got emotional intelligence in your back pocket.

Think of it like this:

• Emotional Intelligence is like your  Emotional GPS, it helps you navigate tough situations without crashing and burning. It’s all about understanding your feelings and figuring out how to use them to your advantage.
• Relationship Repair Kit: Whether it’s a romantic partner, best friend, or the barista who spelled your name wrong (again), EI helps you connect with others on a deeper level—and avoid unnecessary drama.
• Stress Buster Extraordinaire: Instead of letting frustration snowball into full-blown anxiety, EI teaches you how to recognize what’s really going on and deal with it like a boss. 💪

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Meet the 4 Superpowers of Emotional Intelligence

Think of emotional intelligence as your personal toolkit for dealing with life. Here are the four main tools—or “superpowers”—you can sharpen to become a master of your emotions:

1. Perceiving Emotion (AKA, Reading the Room)

Ever had a friend say they’re “fine” when it’s painfully obvious they’re anything but? That’s where perceiving emotion comes in.

• Real-Life Example: Imagine you’re at a party, and your usually chatty friend is sitting in the corner scrolling through their phone. Instead of ignoring them, you pick up on their subtle cues—maybe they’re overwhelmed or feeling left out. Just by checking in, you’ve already flexed your EI muscles.
• Why It Matters: Being able to read emotions (yours and others) is the first step to building stronger connections and avoiding misunderstandings.

Also, if you consider yourself an empath and have trouble setting boundaries, I have a blog on how to do it...Here.

2. Using Emotions to Facilitate Thought (AKA, Turning Feelings Into Fuel)

Your emotions aren’t just annoying distractions—they can actually be your biggest motivators if you know how to use them.

• Story Time 📖: Remember that time you procrastinated on a big project until the night before, only to turn your panic into a burst of creative genius? That’s using emotions to your advantage. Fear can spark focus, excitement can boost creativity, and even frustration can drive you to find solutions.

I know I speak about happiness a lot, but I am not happy over here all the time. #moody

• Pro Tip: Next time you’re stuck, try channeling your emotions into something productive. Take a walk, sketch out ideas, or blast your favorite music to get the creative juices flowing.

3. Understanding Emotions (AKA, The “Aha!” Moment)

Have you ever snapped at someone, only to realize later it wasn’t about them at all? Maybe you were hangry, stressed, or just having an off day.

Understanding emotions means digging deeper to figure out what’s really going on.

• Example: Say you’re feeling anxious before a big meeting. Instead of letting the nerves take over, you realize the anxiety is tied to wanting to make a good impression. With that clarity, you can focus on preparing instead of panicking.
• Fun Fact: Naming your emotions (like literally saying, “I feel overwhelmed”) can help you manage them better. Science backs this up!

Here is an emotion wheel. You can name or write your emotions. It surprisingly helps.

4. Managing Emotions (AKA, Keeping Your Cool)

This one’s the holy grail of emotional intelligence. 👂👂👂

Managing emotions means staying calm under pressure and helping others do the same.

This will probably take some time, (years maybe) so have grace with yourself.

• Mini Story: Picture this: You’re stuck in traffic, running late, and someone cuts you off. 😡 Instead of laying on the horn, or throwing a handful of pennies at them, you take a deep breath, acknowledge your frustration, and focus on what you can control.🧘
• Congrats—you’ve just mastered the art of emotional regulation.
• Pro Tip: Managing emotions isn’t about suppressing them—it’s about acknowledging them without letting them take the wheel.

Think of emotions as being the DJ of your emotional playlist. Sure, sometimes you can’t skip the song. But after a few moments, the song is over, and you’re back in control of the vibe.

Why We Struggle With Emotions

Here’s the thing, most of us were never taught how to deal with emotions. We’re told to “suck it up,” “stay positive,” or worse, ignore them entirely. But suppressing emotions only makes them louder than a kid throwing a tantrum at a candy store.

Relatable Moment: Ever tried to “push through” sadness or frustration, only to have it resurface tenfold at the worst possible time? That’s your emotional backlog demanding attention.

• The Fix: Emotional intelligence gives you the tools to process emotions in real-time, so you’re not carrying around unnecessary baggage.

How to Level Up Your Emotional Intelligence

Ready to turn your emotions into one of your biggest asset? Great! Here’s how to start:

1. Practice Daily Check-Ins: Spend a few minutes each day asking yourself how you’re feeling and why. (Pro tip: Journaling helps!)
2. Learn to Pause: Before reacting to a situation, take a deep breath and give yourself a moment to process.
3. Get Curious: Instead of judging your emotions, try to understand them. What are they telling you?
4. Embrace Empathy: Practice putting yourself in others’ shoes. It’s a game-changer for relationships.

Final Thoughts: Emotions Are Your Superpower

Emotional intelligence isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being aware. It’s the secret sauce for navigating life’s ups and downs with confidence, resilience, and a little humor. So next time your emotions feel like a wild ride, remember: you’ve got the tools to steer.

Start small, stay curious, and watch how emotional intelligence transforms your life. You’ve got this!

Additional Resources

• Book Recommendation: Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ  by Daniel Goleman and Positive Psychology in Practice: Promoting Human Flourishing in Work, Health, Education, and Everyday Life by Stephan Joseph
• Free EI Assessment: Check out this emotional intelligence quiz to see where you stand.

Find Your Strengths and Superpowers

Curious how emotional intelligence ties into discovering your personal strengths? Check out my blog post on finding your strengths and superpowers.

A Note for Professionals and Coaches

The concept of emotional intelligence is grounded in the work of psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer, who identified its four key branches: perceiving emotions, using emotions to facilitate thought, understanding emotions, and managing emotions. Their research, later expanded upon by Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence,” highlights the vital connection between emotional intelligence and personal as well as professional success. For mental health professionals and coaches, these pillars offer a practical framework for guiding clients toward enhanced emotional awareness and resilience.

Join the Conversation

What’s one moment where your emotional intelligence saved the day? Share your story in the comments below—I’d love to hear from you!